"The kind of birth I wish every woman could experience"

Thank you so much for being a part of my birth story! Though a bit long, I really wanted to share about my pregnancy, labor, and birth of our second daughter!

“It was absolutely amazing! The kind of birth I wish every woman could experience. Calm, no stress, no timeline, surrounded by your husband and daughter, backyard pool at sunset, wedding song playing on your anniversary - it doesn’t get much better!” 

These are the words my doula used as she reflected on my birth and they absolutely resonate with me!

For most of this pregnancy, I battled with a lot of fear as I thought about giving birth again. My first birth, a home birth, was overall successful! My daughter, Harper, and I remained healthy and I experienced such euphoria the moment I delivered her - as if the 24 hours of labor didn’t happen. However, those 24 hours did exist, and as the minutes and hours passed, more and more fear arose. Harper was sunny-side up and my water had broken before going into labor, making it all the more difficult to get her in a better position and making the back-labor intense and unending. I struggled with so much fear - fear of the pain, fear over my loss of control, and fear of becoming a mom. I felt overcome by each contraction and like I couldn’t keep up with the next. Despite watching numerous blissful birthing videos, following midwives on instagram that resonated with me, and listening to the Christian Hypnobirthing app (though, not as intentionally as I should have), I thought I was ready - but I wasn’t. I so badly wanted to dig my heals in and stop everything, I felt like I was being forced along a journey I didn’t prepare for. 

I was so happy to find out I was pregnant with our second, but shortly into the pregnancy, that same desire to dig my heals in overcame me as I battled with an all too familiar fear. I was very honest with the fears I faced and there were many tearful nights on the couch with my husband, Ray. Although I was honest with my fear, for most of my pregnancy I didn’t do anything about it. It was as if I was in denial that the 40 weeks of pregnancy would indeed come to an end. But I simply distracted myself or would try not to think about it. 

Between weeks 34 and 35, Ray was unexpectedly laid off from his job. Initially, I was a bit shaken with the layoff, but ultimately, felt it as an invitation to trust God in the midst of such uncertainty. Something that could have driven me into more fear, actually helped me realize it was time to really lean into God and overcome the fear.

As I went to renew my subscription to the Christian Hypnobirthing app, I learned that since having Harper, Tara Menzies, the creator of the app, had also written a book, “Faith-Filled Childbirth.”

Between nightly (and sometimes mornings) listenings to the positive birth affirmations track or Scripture track and listening to the book, I was inspired. Tara really conveys a message of the closeness of God and the beautifully complex way He made us as women. As I listened to both, I felt so empowered and yet, completely surrendered to God’s will for this birth. I began to acknowledge my fears before Him and allow Him to draw near with His peace.

Over the weeks, I started writing down the Bible verses that most resonated with me as I prepared for labor and birth. My prayer for this birth was to enter into the labor space surrendered and trusting of God. I felt the Lord challenge my desire for control (and perfectionism) by prompting me to do blind contour drawings of images that I felt fit with the Scripture verses I meditated on. 

A blind contour drawing is an observational exercise where a person draws the outline and edges (contours) of a subject without ever looking at the paper. 

This challenged my need to “get it right.” It made me turn off my “thinking brain” and trust the flow of my hand. To some, this might sound ridiculous, but each drawing took a lot of surrender and trust as I fought through the anxiety of not being able to see what I was doing and worry that I was going to mess up. I so badly wanted to look down and control the outcome, but I just continued to pray for peace. It was a really good exercise and something I took with me when I went into labor - I knew I wouldn’t be able control how things would go, but I that I could seek God for peace and trust Him with the outcome. 

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At 37 weeks I received the news that my midwifery practice had to close its doors. Fortunately, I didn’t have to find a new care team as they said they’d see me through my pregnancy. However, it was difficult feeling like I was meeting a new midwife almost every visit - at a certain point the practice had to outsource to different midwives within the the community, due to a staffing shortage.

This was another point of surrender - trusting God to provide the right people to attend my birth. 

Over the next few weeks I experienced various symptoms that I thought indicated labor being just around the corner! I lost part of my mucus plug at 38 weeks and fully expected contractions to start within a couple days - just as they did with Harper’s birth. Any indication that labor would begin fizzled out. However, I was thankful that when I thought I’d be going into labor, my reaction was primarily peace and joy - a testament to the work I’d been doing with the Lord to prepare for this birth. Soon enough, my due date arrived and our sweet little girl remained content in the womb. 

I was then met with another point of surrender as we approached July 4. My doula, Sara, who was such a calming and prayerful presence at Harper’s birth, had a family vacation planned for July 5. Upon asking her to be my doula for this birth, she mentioned her vacation and that she would plan to have her partner fill in if she couldn’t be there. We both didn’t think she wouldn’t be there - we were especially hopeful that she’d be able to attend after I reported losing some of my mucus plug around week 38. I trusted that she would have the right person to take her place, but I was so sad knowing she wouldn’t be there. I was able to meet her partner, Tara, over FaceTime and I ended that call feeling at peace with her being my new doula. But again, I really had to trust God with the timing of all of this and the people He’d surround me with. 

A week past my due date, July 7, I kept waking up from a nap with contractions. At one point I decided to use the bathroom and couldn’t get off the toilet because the contractions were so intense! I thought this was it! 

After Harper woke up from her nap, we all went for a walk. The contractions were continuous and intense. I was excited! That evening I helped make dinner, still working through the contractions. And around 7:30pm I helped put Harper down for bed. And then, unfortunately, I experienced my last contraction around 8pm. They completely stopped! 

The next day, July 8, I decided to take a nap around the same time I did the day before. I was disappointed when I slept soundly - I had been hoping to be woken up by more contractions! Shortly, after waking up, my cousin invited me out for ice cream. I decided to eat something before meeting her. Upon finishing the last few bites of my meal, I started experiencing contractions. At first I didn’t tell Ray because I knew he wouldn’t want me driving to meet my cousin…but I really wanted ice cream haha! And then, more and more contractions came about. And I made the decision to just stay home. I felt a bit anxious as I didn’t want them to fizzle out again. They started around 4pm and for the rest of the night I decided to take it easy. 

In the evening, I went into my room to spend some time with the Lord. I also took the quiet time as an opportunity to write Ray an anniversary card as our fourth wedding anniversary was the next day! The contractions remained fairly consistent throughout the evening and night - I let both my doula and midwife know what was going on, but felt that it was too early for them to come. I really wanted to deliver the night of the 8th, partly because I was just ready to have the baby, but mostly because I didn’t really want to share my anniversary with her birthday! Midnight rolled around, and at that point I had to accept that we would likely share that date…and then, I actually began to hope we would share July 9th as I didn’t want to be laboring into the next midnight hour! 

Ray blew up the birth pool and then, we both decided we’d try to get some sleep. As I thought about labor, one of the fears I had was laboring through the night. That was the case with Harper - something about the night, the dark, is very disorienting to me. However, God drew so near to me that night. I wanted to let Ray sleep as much as he could. So it was just me and God as I woke up every 10-20 minutes with a contraction. I was able to really ride the wave of each contraction with such peace as I breathed through each one. Instead of fear, I leaned into each one knowing that it was bringing me closer to the point of birth. I was excited and yet so at peace that I was able to drift off to sleep as each contraction dissipated. I did experience several instances of coupling, as I later found out that baby girl was a little too far to the right - but in those moments of greater intensity, I held onto the belief that the contractions couldn’t overcome me because they were me. 

I was grateful to ease into the morning of July 9. I was delighted to sip on my americano while reading some of my Bible and laboring on the birth ball. My friend, Tina, arrived around 8:00am - she truly blessed us with agreeing to help out with Harper while I was in labor. Ray was able to get Harper out of bed, and they, too, were able to ease into the morning. 

Tara arrived around 8:30am. She and I decided that it would be helpful to go through a variation of the Miles Circuit - inversions, side-lying hip release, and extended left-side side lying. During the hip releases I listened to positive birth affirmations and Scripture readings and then, turned on worship music during the left-side side lying. While laying on my side, Tara did acupressure massage on my feet and I was able to fall asleep. I honestly couldn’t believe how calm and at peace I was. 

Ray came into the room around 10:30am to check on me. I was hungry so I walked into the kitchen with him and he served me some banana-egg pancakes. Tara joined me as I ate. Around 11am she decided to leave, just to give us some time as a family to rest and enjoy one another - I was still experiencing contractions, but they had slowed down a bit. I decided to go outside to hangout with Tina and Harper, and shortly after getting out there, Harper asked if we could go to the coffee shop down the street. 

To be honest, I thought it would be fun and such an “Adair-thing” to do - to go to a coffee shop while in labor. Ha! I mean four years, to the day, I went to a coffee shop and a garage sale with my dad the morning of my wedding day! It seemed fitting for the occasion! 

For anyone who knows me, coffee shops are my place of peace and most creative inspiration - it’s no wonder my contractions became more intense and frequent during my time there! I sipped on an electrolyte drink (I didn’t think it’d be smart to drink more coffee than I already had that morning), talked with Tina and Ray, watched Harper find joy in swinging on the railing, all the while taking moments of pause to quietly breathe through each contraction! I was secretly hoping someone would ask me my due date, just to respond with, “Well, actually I’m in labor right now!”

Close to 1pm I decided it was time to go home. As I got in the car, I was half on my seat unable to move because the contraction was so intense. Fortunately, the drive was only a few minutes from home. When we got inside, Ray put Harper down for a nap and Tina did hip squeezes with me and it felt so good! She recorded the contractions for me as we sat on the floor. I was amazed that I could even laugh through a contraction! 

At 1:45pm the nurse, Diondra, who did my 36 week home visit reached out to me, not knowing I was in labor, to check on how I was doing. I shared that the contractions were intense but the timing wasn’t too consistent.

It was around 2pm that I suggested to Tina to go home and have some time to herself. Harper was asleep and I wanted some quiet time with Ray. She agreed to stay on call for when I’d need her again. About two minutes after she left, I had a really intense contraction and then I turned to Ray and said, “Either I just peed or my water just broke…and I’m thinking it was my water…”

I went to text Tara that my water broke, when I saw a missed text from Diondra offering to help me in the capacity of a doula (not knowing I had one) and help acquaint me with the herb augmentation kit my midwife sent home with me. I was so grateful for how much she cared for and truly wanted to help me. I quickly texted back reporting that I was pretty sure my water broke.

I wasn’t able to collect enough of a sample for the amnio swab test, so when I texted Diondra a photo of the color change on the swab, she wasn’t confident that my water had broken. However, I knew it felt similar to when it happened with Harper and having a small but steady flow of water drip down my legs as I walked out of the bathroom left me pretty confident of what was happening. I called the midwives and was told that they’d leave in an hour (about 3pm) - depending on traffic, it was at least an hour drive. 

I also called Tina. She had just gotten home when I asked her if she’d be able to come back! 

As I waited for Tara to arrive I took a look at the state of my house and felt I needed to tidy up. However, moving around proved to be difficult as my contractions became even more intense and frequent. I quickly realized it would probably be best to just relax and let go of the clutter-free environment I had in mind. 

When Tara came she suggested Ray and I go into our room and just relax and be together. Though not as sentimental as me, but being that it was our anniversary, I wanted to reminisce on our last year of marriage and what we were looking forward to in this next year. I lay in his arms as he rubbed my belly and remained a steady presence as I worked through contractions. Being with him and having that alone time was pure bliss. I felt so relaxed and even able to fall asleep.

After a good while, Tara felt like it was time for me to change positions and keep labor progressing. However, before doing anything “productive,” all I wanted was to see Harper and give her a big hug. She had just woken up from her nap, and often, she is so full of joy after a good rest. She came in the room, gave me a hug, and bounced on the bed. Throughout the whole day she was such a joyful and grounding presence. 

Tara had me do various exercises, movements, and positions - the most difficult one having been sitting backwards on the toilet. At that point I had to audibly work through each contraction as I sunk deeper into the position. She also had me do an exercise that reassembled slow dancing with Ray. I wish I could remember the worship song in the background - as it played and I held onto Ray, tears started streaming down my cheeks. Yes, the contractions were intense, but I was overcome by the presence of God. I kept saying that my tears were not due to pain, but that of surrender . And in that moment, Harper came in the room, hugged my leg and swayed back and forth with Ray and I. It was an incredibly beautiful moment. God is so real and was so present. 

Next, I sat in the birthing ball. There were several moments during this time where I found myself alone in the room. Again, I couldn’t believe how at peace I was and how okay I was. God was just so near. I remember being so intentional about keeping my hands open as I worked through the contractions - and later, when I reflected of my birth experience, I read a journal entry written the night I went into early labor - I prayerfully wrote to God as I thought about birth, “Help me to hold it all with open hands.” Unlike my previous birth experience or even in general moments of pain, I didn’t clench my fists, I kept my hands open as a way to stay relaxed. As I look back on that, I also believe that it was a subconscious act of surrender. I was holding it all with open hands. 

At one point, I looked up at Tara, and pointed out that I had been in labor longer than I was with Harper (24 hours) - I had reached hour 25. At first she didn’t realize I said that proudly, as if I had met an unrealized goal - being in labor for that long and still feeling relaxed and calm. I prayed for a short labor and anticipated it being that it was my second. However, I believe the longer labor was God’s grace in allowing me to ease into each stage. I also think the longer labor was redemptive, as if He wanted to show me that I could do it - that He created me for this - something I had a hard time believing the first time around. 

At around 5:30pm, the midwife, Jenny, a midwife I had never met before showed up with Diondra. I had slight apprehension about having a new person in my space, but I quickly let that go and trusted that it was going to be okay. 

They took my vitals and asked how I was doing. When I wasn’t working through a contraction, I was able to engage and joke around a bit. I told them that I was feeling pretty good, but slightly nervous about when it’d come time to push. 

Little did I know, because of my calm demeanor and ability to hold a conversation, Tina overheard a conversation between Jenny and Diondra about whether or not they should stay - they didn’t think I was in active labor. They debated whether to let the next midwife on call come later. When I heard about this, a couple days postpartum, I wore it as a badge of honor!  It was a testament to the level of calm I was experiencing. God’s peace surpasses all understanding! 

Jenny suggested I do three inversions during a contraction to help reposition baby girl a little more to the left. Each of those inversions were intense. However, between contractions I was in total mom-mode. Harper was watching a movie with scenes that I usually fast forward through - as I kneeled and stretched on the couch, I told Tina about the various scenes that she needed to skip, and then, I’d go down into an inversion and after the contraction dissipated, I’d resume mom-ing! 

After the inversions, Tara had me do another round of the side-lying hip release. Being at the edge of the bed, feeling like I was going to fall off, with intense contractions, while trusting that Tara and Ray would hold me up as I allowed my hips to relax just felt so vulnerable. I started to cry. I was trying to remain surrendered and I don’t know all that was coming up for me, but I just let the tears flow. 

Soon after, around 6:40pm, we slowly walked outside to the birth pool. The weather was just right - not too hot and the sun was low. I got into the warm water and exhaled. It felt so good! Harper promptly followed my lead and joined me in the pool! 

The worship song, “Yes & Amen” started playing in the background. It was perfect timing - it was the song Ray and I had played during our wedding ceremony for a time of worship. It was just so beautiful!

The contractions soon came to peak intensity. I couldn’t handle any bit of movement from Harper - even the slightest ripple of the water was distracting. She had to remain very still. However, someone handed her a cup and encouraged her to pour water on my back. That felt amazing and I loved that she was able to help! I also love that I have a photo of me smiling in the pool - I recall needing to fully concentrate during my time in the pool, but Tina captured the exact moment Harper started pouring the warm water on me, and it left me smiling!

There was a moment of slight panic when Harper fell under the water. Fortunately, Ray noticed and was able to quickly grab her! My mama heart broke as I couldn’t tend to her, but she was surrounded by so many great people.

Shortly after that, as I was working through a contraction, I was met with a new point of surrender. Though I was a bit distracted, and unable to fully comprehend what was going on, Tara gently told me she had to leave. Her primary client went into labor and being the one who knew her history, she felt that she had to go be with her. She also knew how much support I already had with me. Fortunately, her back-up was just 10 minutes from my house. I had to surrender another incredible doula to God’s plan. 

Sterling arrived (at the time I didn’t realize Tara was calling in her back-up, so I didn’t realize I’d have the support of another doula). She stepped right in and championed me. She encouraged Ray to pray out loud against the nerves I was feeling about pushing. Sterling also saw my camera and started taking photos - Tara had been taking photos, so initially, in the midst of all that was going on, I was sad to not have the actual birth of our baby girl captured. But praise God that Tina had brought out my camera and that Sterling was able to use it! 

Harper was now out of the pool. And throughout several contractions I had tried pushing. However, I didn’t feel fully confident about giving birth in the pool. I felt like I needed to be more grounded. 

Around 7:40pm I declared that I needed to get out. I stood right up and felt so heavy, but I was determined to make the walk inside to my bedroom. The contraction that left Diondra a bit nervous was when I was straddling the pool and the patio! I had several intense contractions on my way to my bedroom. Once I got to the bed, I determine there was no way I was getting in it. I stood at the edge of the bed, slightly squatted, and began pushing. With each contraction and push I let out a deep roar. I was ready to have this baby! 

Birth is beautiful, but sometimes there is a not-so-beautiful-side - for me there was a real urge to poop - which I think helped with the pushing sensation - and one of those deep roars turned into me yelling out, “I have to pooooop!!!!” And so I did. I was very grateful to Jenny and especially Diondra for their graciousness and normalizing it for me! 

During all of this I could hear Harper crying. At first I was nervous that she was scared. But I later learned that all she wanted was to give me a hug. Between contractions I said, “If she’s not scared, she can be here.” It wasn’t until I saw a photo of her in my room that I realized she had actually stayed for a while and determined for herself when she was ready to leave. I could also hear her at one point asking frantically, “Toilet? Toilet?” I’m not sure all that she saw or what she knew or didn’t know was happening, but I think she thought I needed to use the bathroom! Haha.

There were moments where I said out loud that I didn’t think I could do this - as though I wanted someone else to step in and do it for me - but I knew it had to be me. God created me for this. At this point, if I’m being honest, I was a little scared and definitely exhausted. But I was also confident and felt empowered. I kept holding onto how I knew it’d end - with my baby in my arms. 

Ray stood behind me, ready to catch our girl - a prayer answered - I’d been wanting myself or Ray to catch her. I delivered her head and Ray told me he could see her eyes. Her head had been delivered for about 2-minutes before Jenny assisted in rotating her shoulder (not going to lie, though quick, that was one of the most painful experiences of the day). But right after she did that, Charlotte “Charlie” Rae made her grand entrance, being caught by her daddy at 8:02pm! 

The euphoria felt when delivering a baby is unmatched by anything I’ve ever experienced. Everything went from complete intensity and strength to an overwhelming feeling of relief and joy! I was so proud of myself and excited to meet our baby girl! Ray handed her up between my legs and I got to pull her up onto my chest. The best feeling ever!

I got into bed with Charlie. Harper came up to me and said in her sweet two-year-old voice, “I so pwoud of you!” it was so special having Harper be there and to witness God’s miraculous design for birth! Tina told me that throughout the day she would pause what she was doing and say, “Be right back!” And run to wherever I was just to check in!

Charlie latched easily and fed for almost an hour. We kept her attached to her umbilical cord long after it was time, just to not disturb her from breastfeeding. Ray had the honors of cutting it. 

And the evening, Charlotte’s birthday, and mine and Ray’s anniversary culminated with a big tray of sushi in bed! 

This birth experience was absolutely amazing! God had me covered throughout all of it - from the unknowns, to changes, to laboring in a coffee shop, to pulling Charlotte up into my arms. Initially, I felt bad that it had taken me so long to really surrender my fear to God and to pursue Him in a greater way during this pregnancy. However, if I’ve learned anything, it’s never too late to run into His loving embrace! He completely transformed my mindset during the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy (I think He even allowed me an extra week past my due date to continue to prepare and lean into Him)! 

He didn’t answer every prayer for this birth with an answer I had originally hoped for (ie. Having a short labor or starting labor in the morning and birthing in late morning/early afternoon), but His ways are so much greater! I am genuinely thankful for the 28 hours of labor and the time I had laboring throughout the night. I received it as an invitation to draw so near to Him. And I reflect on it as part of His redemptive plan for this birth.

I wish I could better describe God’s presence and the joy and peace He brought. I didn’t have fear, just surrender.

Thank you for sharing you story with us! @adair.padilla_