“I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn how to meditate, connect with myself and my inner strength, connect with the stillness within me, and connect with my Heavenly Father and the spirit more deeply. I listened to your tracks every day starting in my second trimester. I mostly listened to them in the bath and meditated in the stillness of the water. It was powerful to take a step away from homeschooling my four children, running my own business and all the craziness of the world and connect deeply. In my third trimester I developed a wicked case of gestational diabetes. I struggled with extreme fluctuating blood sugars even with insulin. My pregnancy had been peaceful and wonderful up until that point. Suddenly the home birth I had been planning and praying for was no longer an option. All of my care switched to high risk doctors and back into the healthcare system. It was hard and scary. I worried constantly over every food that I ate and my baby’s health and safety.
The worries continued to mount as I started measuring 3 weeks, 4 weeks and finally 5 weeks ahead. Talk of a c-section and shoulder dystocia became common. I began planning my delivery at a hospital with a midwife led unit where hopefully I would be able to birth as naturally as possible within a hospital setting. Then a few weeks before delivery my dad who lives just next door was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. The news was absolutely devastating. My hero, my rock was now facing the very real possibility of dying. Suddenly this baby took on a whole new meaning. He brought comfort in a time of chaos and fear. I couldn’t wait to meet him. As I approached my due date my health continued to deteriorate. My blood sugars were uncontrollable and I was suffering from polyhydramnios. My midwife and high risk doctors decided induction would be the best at 38 weeks.
This was my fifth baby. I had delivered the previous four on Pitocin with an epidural but I was all too familiar with how strong and quick contractions were on Pit. However, I was so relieved this pregnancy and the worry over my baby and my health was almost over. I was induced October 4, 2024. I listened to my Christian Hypnobirthing tracks on and off throughout my labor. It was not an easy labor, it was in no way pain free, it was scary and hard. However, I had practiced and prepared throughout my pregnancy to meet any obstacle with peace and confidence. The baby ended up being transverse and we spent hours manually trying to turn him. The pain was intense but I have never felt more strength in myself and all the people surrounding me in the room. My beautiful 15 year old daughter, my husband, my mom, 2 doulas, my midwife and my nurse never left my side. I’m not really one who likes being touched but I needed every persons hands on me.
My husband and I worked together as a team and I used the breathing I had practiced on the Hypnobirthing track… 4 counts in and 7 counts out. I finally began to push and I’ve heard it said that a woman leaves her body to get her baby. I never really understood what that meant with my four previous births because I was numb but I truly left my body and touched heaven. It was so incredibly painful and powerful and the most human and spiritual experience I’ve ever had. I have never felt more pain, fear, peace and strength all in the same moment. I was made for this and the brightness of my creator shown through me. Suddenly he arrived and just like that every worry and heart ache melted away. I did it. My dad FaceTimed as I told everyone his name that I had held secret throughout the pregnancy. I whispered “hello James” and my dad who I’ve never seen cry before in my 39 years of life cried, actually there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. I named him after my dad.
It felt fitting knowing this may be the last grandbaby my dad ever meets on this side of the veil. James’ birth was healing in so many ways. I spent time during my labor mourning and celebrating and feeling so many emotions. This birth wasn’t in the place I planned or with the midwife and nurses I had planned on but it was everything and everyone I needed that day and God knew. He knew all along what I prayed for and what I needed and He gave it to me. He gave all of it to me. I’ll forever be grateful for those beautiful tracks that taught me so much about myself and My Heavenly Father for putting everything into place for my good.” - Mckenzie
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