The Book That Replaced My Birth Anxiety With Peace

I was donated a book by Tara, and I didn’t even realize how much it would change my life. Around a couple of weeks pregnant, I reached out to Tara on Instagram and told her about my situation. Throughout my pregnancy, I struggled with anxiety regarding the whole birthing process and finances. I was 19 at the time, still in college, and our finances did not look good whatsoever, so I asked if she would be willing to donate her book to me—and thank you to our Lord that she did!

Not only did she donate her Christian hypnobirthing book to me, but also the Christian hypnobirthing tracks. Little did I know how much this would change my life at the time. I have struggled with anxiety my entire life, and I was never actually stress-free. I always had something to worry about, but after reading this book and educating myself around physiological birth, I had never felt better going into labor. I constantly listened to the tracks, and at first they gave me relaxation and the ability to trust God and have faith over fear.

My first big obstacle was when I got my anatomy scan for my baby at 20 weeks, and I had an abnormality that restricted me from having a midwife. This really, really crushed me because I did not want to have a hospital birth, but thanks to the book, I was able to process it and understand that everything happens for a reason and that I still needed to have faith over fear.

My pregnancy went on, and at 40 weeks and 3 days, at my prenatal appointment, the baby’s heartbeat skyrocketed through the roof for about 40 minutes. My doctor said that they were going to have to send me to the hospital to monitor the heartbeat and potentially induce. This was a very hard time for me, and I was trying to control my emotions and my anxiety. I got in the car and started listening to the “Fear Release” track. I prayed and texted everyone I knew to pray for me and my baby. Before this book I would've had a completely bad and negative reaction...

Once we got to the hospital, time passed and his heartbeat slowed down, which helped me avoid an induction. We went home and continued to pray that I would go into spontaneous labor rather than have to do an induction. Anxiety kept creeping in over and over again, but I just kept trying to trust God, knowing that He wants what’s best for me and my baby.

A couple of days later, I saw on Instagram that Tara was giving away the free course as a Christmas gift. I used that promo code and binge-watched all of the courses in two days as a review and preparation for my labor. This was such a huge blessing for me.

At 41 weeks and 2 days, I was finally able to release my anxiety into the hands of our Lord and trust Him, knowing that He knows what’s best for our baby—not me or the doctors. And that’s the same day I went into spontaneous labor! I still cannot believe that all of our prayers were answered.

We prayed for an easy, fast labor, and it was a miracle that I was able to have that. I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with contractions, and I knew that the time had come for me to give birth. I didn’t wake up my husband yet because I thought this was going to be a long night, so I just went and took a bath. I realized there was a strong pattern to my contractions, and somehow they were one minute long and about 3 to 4 minutes apart right off the bat.

We were technically supposed to go to the hospital right away, but we waited until 4:30 a.m. I just kept breathing through them just like the book says to do—“up breathing.” Never in my entire life did I think that breath could have so much power. I was just on my yoga ball, zoning out and focusing on my breathing.

Once we started driving to the hospital, my contractions became more intense but still very, very manageable. We got to the triage department, and they did a check on me and told me that the baby has had a bowel movement. I continued to trust the Lord and focus on my breathing, despite being in an environment that was not ideal for birthing. I thank the Lord that the triage was empty for the most part.

I did not want any cervical checks, but in order to be admitted, that was the only way to prove that I was in active labor because I was so calm. I don’t think they believed I was far along enough. Once they did the first cervical check around 6:00 a.m., I was 7 cm dilated, so they quickly moved me to the birthing room. This was amazing, and I’m glad that I agreed to the check because it allowed me to change environments and listen to the Christian hypnobirthing tracks.

At this point, the contractions were very strong but still manageable with breathing. The contractions were not even that bad—it was the back and pelvic pain because my baby was really, really low. This entire labor showed me how physiological birth is when you fully surrender. All I kept saying in my head was Philippians 4:13 and “Each surge brings me closer to our baby” and “I can do anything for one minute.”

I knew I was transitioning and that labor was going to end soon because I listened to my body. I didn’t want cervical checks, and for about an hour and a half I kept having the urge to push, but I wasn’t sure if I was fully dilated, so I just kept waiting. The nurse told me that unless they checked me and confirmed that I was 10 cm dilated, I could not push, so I just kept breathing through the urges.

Looking back, I’m not sure if that was the best choice or not, but I wasn’t fully prepared when it came to pushing. I eventually told them to check me, and they said I was 10 cm dilated and could start pushing. I tried pushing on my hands and knees, but again, I wasn’t fully prepared. I tried down breathing, but it was going slower than I expected. When the nurses offered for me to change positions onto my back, I did.

I pushed my baby out in 30 minutes, despite things not going according to my birth plan. I birthed a 9 lb 2 oz baby boy at 9:00 a.m. and had to get stitches from tearing. I couldn’t believe I had a labor that lasted only seven hours!

My birth plan said no Pitocin after birth, but the nurses did it regardless. My reaction to these unexpected things was not negative. We prayed very hard that God would bless this birth, and ultimately He knows what’s best for me and my child. I can only do everything in my power and surrender the rest. We prayed that even if there was an intervention done that we didn’t think was best for us, if God thought it was necessary, then let it happen.

I have never felt so happy in my entire life after birthing my first child. I was really terrified of having birth trauma, especially as a first-time mom, since it is so prevalent in hospitals. I am so grateful to God that I was able to avoid that and have a perfect birth.

I don’t think this birth was painful. I think it was intense, and I want to praise God for it and spread hypnobirthing to other moms. I’ve been sharing it with all of my friends and encouraging them to do their own research. I truly praise the Lord for this amazing experience that I was able to have thanks to Christian hypnobirthing.

Mama: @kseniya_davia