When Birth Becomes an Idol: Lindsay's Story
The Lord’s ministry of birth processing through you has blessed me tremendously, and I would love to share a testimony.
Lindsay's Testimony
As I walked away from my birth, which involved an unplanned caesarean, I felt so blessed by the Lord to have carried this life, to have enjoyed such closeness to Him during my pregnancy and labor, and to have experienced such closeness with my husband. Despite things not going as planned, it did not bother me initially. While I had questions, they were quieted by the surrounding presence of the Lord and the gift of our new baby.
However, in the weeks that followed, sadness, questioning, comparison, and even guilt for feeling that way started creeping in.
I had prepared so much for birth and felt I did "everything" right on my end. I was active, chose the right midwife team, hired a doula, did Christian Hypnobirthing, received chiropractic care, had amazing support from my husband, etc., etc.
Yet I walked away with this scar on my abdomen that reminded me every time I looked at it of two things:
1) The goodness of God for bringing life through me,
but also
2) Why? Why me?
No one could give me an answer for how my baby became malpositioned or what else could have been done. I began to obsess over the "why," wanting to figure it out for myself and for any future births, Lord willing.
God blessed me with the gift of the birth processing ministry through Christian Hypnobirthing.
What a gift it was to sit before the Lord together with Helena.
We did not try to hash out all the hows and whys. We did not try to solve the mystery or come up with a future plan.
We simply sat before the Lord.
Together.
And He showed up.
Jesus met with me in that space and helped still my stirring soul. In the midst of all the questions, He drew me close to Himself. He showed me that He cares deeply for me and my family. He knows my desire for the birth outcome I wanted, and He cares. Yet, in the midst of it all, I did not walk away with all my questions answered, but with something better.
He opened my eyes to see how I was idolizing birth.
I walked away with Jesus Himself speaking over me that He is enough and that He is better than all the answers to my questions. The healing that took place in that moment, and in the days, weeks, and months that followed, has been transformational.
If I am being honest, my mind does still wander back to my birth, my questions, and my longing for a particular outcome from time to time. However, the Holy Spirit is so kind to remind me of my encounter with Him during that birth processing time. He reminds me that He is better than all the answers to my questions. While I may never know the answers to my questions or ever get the birth that I so desperately wanted, I can confidently say that our God is better. And His peace that surpasses all understanding is my greatest gift, confidence, and joy.
Thank you, Helena, and Christian Hypnobirthing for granting me this great gift. There are truly no words to accurately describe the beauty and eternal impact of this ministry. I am thankful to be a part of this community, to share it with others, and to continue using the Daily Stillness tracks to return to the Lord on a daily and weekly basis.
God bless you all,
Lindsay
If you are carrying guilt, sadness, questions or disappointment following your birth, you are not alone! If you are interested in a FREE Prayer-filled Birth Processing Session with one of the Christian Hypnobirthing team, please click here to sign the agreement and book in your session. We would love to facilitate a space for God to meet with you and invite His Peace.
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