Comparison: The Thief of Postpartum Joy?
Updated: Sep 26
I wonder if you've ever found yourself feeding your baby in the middle of the night, absent-mindedly scrolling through your phone, only to finish feeling somehow less than you did when you started.
Perhaps you've seen another Mama whose baby is already sleeping through the night, someone whose house looks beautifully tidy, or a family who seem to be out enjoying life while you're wondering if you'll ever drink a hot cup of tea again.
Maybe someone else seems to have recovered quickly from birth, or is confidently breastfeeding, or looks like they've completely embraced motherhood while you're still trying to work out which way is up.
Or maybe you're seeing triumphant birth photos of the birth you had dreamt of, that didn't quite materialise. You want so desperately to celebrate and be happy for these women, and yet it's hard when you didn't have that experience yourself.
Comparison Can Rob Our Joy
Comparison has a funny way of creeping into our hearts without us even noticing. Before long, we're measuring our messy, ordinary lives against someone else's carefully chosen moments, and wondering why we can't seem to keep up.
The truth is, comparison is one of the quickest ways to rob us of joy.
The difficult thing is that we rarely compare ourselves fairly. We compare our behind-the-scenes moments with someone else's highlights. We don't see the tears that came before the photograph, the sleepless nights, the worries, the difficult conversations, or the prayers whispered in exhaustion. Every family is carrying something, even if we can't see it.
You Are The Right Mother for Your Baby
God has never asked you to be anyone other than who He created you to be.
He hasn't asked you to raise someone else's baby, recover like someone else's body, or follow another family's timeline. He entrusted your baby to you. Not because you're perfect, but because you are exactly the mother your little one needs.
Your baby isn't looking for perfection. They don't notice whether the washing basket is overflowing or whether you've managed to get dressed before lunchtime. They simply know your voice, your smell, your heartbeat and the safety of your arms. To your baby, you are home.
I also wonder whether God grieves a little when comparison causes us to miss the beautiful things right in front of us.
The tiny fingers wrapped around yours.
The sleepy smiles.
The contented sigh after a feed.
These moments are so easily overshadowed when we're looking sideways instead of looking at the life we've been given.
Your Own Unique Journey
Motherhood was never meant to be a competition.
It is a unique journey that God is walking with each of us, one day at a time.
So today, if comparison has quietly found its way into your heart, be gentle with yourself. Put your phone down for a little while if you need to.
Take a slow breath.
Look at your baby. Remember that this little person doesn't need the mother you think you should be. They simply need you.
And remember this too:
Before you were ever a mother, you were God's beloved daughter.
He delights in you, not because you've mastered motherhood, but because you are His. He isn't comparing you to anyone else, and neither should you.
How Can We Help?
I'm praying that today you would find joy in the ordinary moments, confidence in the mother you are becoming, and peace in knowing that God's grace is more than enough for you.
Our Daily Stillness App (this is for everyone, but especially for postpartum mamas and those looking for something not related to labor/birth) - offering gentle, faith-filled moments to pause, breathe, and reconnect with God, including our beloved “Peaceful Parenting” track.
Comments