Two traumatic births, followed by a birth filled with Grace
Updated: Feb 27, 2021
I have had 3 births total and my third was the absolute best!
My first birth I had planned on going natural because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. There was no thought process. I was just going with the flow. My water broke first so once the contractions started, they were very intense. And I was not strong enough mentally for that! I got the epidural and it did not work. The anesthesiologist came back in to give me another epidural. She says that was the first that had ever happened under her. Wow! Just my luck. I went into a panic once my legs went more numb and my blood pressure dropped. This was very traumatizing for me! I was very happy once my little one was on my chest. But I didn’t feel overwhelming in-love at first!
My second birth, I knew I was just going to get the epidural, even though I was afraid because of how the first time ended! Once I got the epidural, I panicked again. Hyperventilating and throwing up. Once I calmed down, my water broke and my baby girl practically flew out. This was also very traumatizing for me. I did not connect with her at all. I did not even want to hold her.
My third birth, I learned that I didn’t have to get the epidural! I could actually have my girl without any intervention! A good friend told me about Christian Hypnobirthing. I was amazed at what this was!! I knew for sure that I was going to have my girl completely natural. I wanted to connect with her right away. I believed in myself and in my relationship with the Lord. I knew that he put this on my heart because it is so unlike me to willingly go through pain. I am all about the medicine!!
February 6th my contractions started! I bounced on my ball and I did my breathing techniques. I listened to the affirmations and used visuals that the audio gave me. I imagined I was breathing in a string and then blowing it towards God. I kept reassuring myself that the Lord was with me. Once my contractions were 3 minutes apart, we drove to the hospital. I told the nurses and my doctor I was going natural. Thankfully my nurse had been a doula for years and knew all of the techniques for a natural birth! And she believed in me as much as I believed in myself.
My husband and my doula stayed by my side but I just walked around the room with my earphones in my ears, listening to the affirmations. "There are women everywhere giving birth with me". This helped me stay mentally stable. I stayed 6 cm the entire day. I was getting discouraged by night time. But I stayed listening to the affirmations. My body knows what it’s doing. I decided to rest and put a peanut ball in between my legs. My water broke. At this point, I wasn’t allowed to get up. So I labored on my side. Which felt so bad! But I kept breathing my string to God. He knew what He was doing when He gave me the motivation to do this without any medicine.
All of a sudden, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was on all fours with my arms around my doulas neck. I didn’t have control over my breathing anymore. I was trying to do quick breathing but I kept losing focus, what was happening? My doula informed me that I was transitioning. And from there my groans started. My body was taking over. I could barely get out “the baby is coming out” nurses ran in from every direction, one checked me and said “the doctor won’t make it. I’m delivering this baby.”
I kept breathing that string to God. Lord help me! Why did I do this?! 5 minutes of pushing with all of my might I had left and out came my beautiful angel!!! I cried happy tears. Never had that happened before. WE DID IT! We were a team! That was my baby girl! She was so strong! I cried and laughed and kept saying “we did it guys. We actually did it!” My husband was in awe. To this day, he says his favorite memory is when our third was born. It completely changed our lives. It made me realize that with the right affirmations in my ear, I could conquer ANYTHING!
I am beyond thankful for this Christian Hypnobirthing!! I have a bond like no other with my baby girl. She just turned one yesterday and I think of her birth at least once a week.